Horses and Ms. Wilkerson Really Make me Mad!
This is what happened in group tonight. It was pretty intense.
The bucket of food was the victim. The white square made of poles was the victim’s personal space. The horses were the offenders. The boys had to protect the victim and personal space from the offenders. The boys were allowed to use anything they wanted. The boys were allowed to ask each other for help.
A boy named, Jim used a fun noodle to hit the horses when they approached the personal space. Every time the baby donkey entered the personal space, Jim would pick up the donkey (hap hazardly) and toss him out of the boundary. In the mean time, a peer asked for help defending the "victim" from the "perpetrators". Jim jumped in with the fun noodle. He hit the horses with it. I asked him to try defending the "victims" without using a weapon and to only use his body. This writer asked Jim if he could find another way to move the baby donkey without lifting him. Jim knocked him in the head with his hand and knee. He also pushed/shoved him out of the boundary. I identified a metaphor for choosing victims smaller i.e. less powerful than he. I asked him if he always chose victims/people who were unable to defend themselves.
After the horses were settled down and standing still in the circle, Jim said, “I would do the same thing to a horse.” I responded, “You would knock a horse in the head with your hand or knee?” Jim replied, “I would SLAP a horse.” We went back and forth with this conversation. He said, “I would slap a horse right now!” I said, “Do what you think would be the best thing at this moment.” He inquired, “Slap a horse? Are you going to write me up?” I told him to him to do what he thought was best. After realizing that there would be no consequence i.e. getting written up, Jim decided to slap the horse. I replied, “Do what you think would be best.”
At that moment, “He walked up to Liberty and slapped his cheek.” Liberty walked away from him. I said, “What do you think about that?” He said, “I feel great”
I asked, "What made you slap his face versus his butt?” Jim said, “I’m not going to slap him there, he’ll kick me.” I said, “So you only hit people when they have their backs turned to you and cannot defend themselves.”
In an attempt to deflect responsibility, Jim mumbled, “You don't like your animals being hurt. It is not like they are people.”
To diffuse the power struggle, I walked away and directed the group to continue with the exercise.
At the end of the session and while processing, I inquired with each group member about something they liked and didn’t like about the session. Jim stated, “I didn’t like anything.” We went around the circle again and Jim responded, “I liked slapping the horse.”
One boy stated that he did not like when the horse got slapped. Unfortunately, this is about the 8th session and the group is not yet at the working stage. I am hopeful that the group will progress further where they may hold one another accountable.
When processing with the equine specialist, Alyson pointed out that Jim appeared to become extremely angry after having slapped the horse. She thought that maybe he experienced embarrassment for having acted out violently in front of his peers. I think this group session made Jim's feelings of powerlessness and lack of empathy extremely obvious. I just wonder if we will be able to break his shell i.e. defense mechanisms down so that he can develop insight into his thoughts and behaviors and how he sabotages himself from succeeding in everyday life.
One Way it Works
For the last several weeks, Lisa seemed to be floundering in therapy. She appeared lost without a purpose.
Lisa chose to work with Big Donkey. Lisa sat with Megan and me while holding the rope that was attached to Big Donkey. Big Donkey pulled at Lisa. Big Donkey knocked over the chairs. He pushed her with his head.
Megan handed Lisa the rope that was attached to Liberty. Liberty pulled at Lisa as he walked away. Lisa dropped the rope.
I said, “It looks like you are playing tug o’ war. Maybe you are struggling with something.” Lisa looked at me like a deer in head lights. It was an awkward silence as I eagerly awaited her response.
Lisa said, “I am struggling with the guilt of withdrawing from my dad before his death and one other thing.”
Lisa fed me the bone by identifying the “one other thing”. In the meantime, Lisa talked about “the voice in her head, her voice gnawing at her”. The voice says, “Ha ha, you didn’t spend time with your dad.” She covered her eyes with her toboggan.
We eagerly await Lisa to develop enough self-confidence and trust to reveal whatever it is with which she struggles.
I needed some direction to go in therapy. Big Donkey and Liberty provided the direction by tugging and pulling. I just needed to point out their behavior and Lisa identified that she has something with which she is struggling. The horses provided safe metaphors for which Lisa to disclose that she labors over something of significance.
Horses Relate to Real Life
Preface: During processing, many of the boys talked and documented in their journals about not liking that the horses might have been scared by the group chasing them with whips and ropes during the previous activity.
Today, Alyson and I facilitated a group of boys ages 14-17. The task was to get all horses and donkey over 3 jumps without touching, bribing, or simulating bribery.
We moved away from the group. The group seemed to do a little planning, but mostly moved toward the horses. Shortly after that, they had Chief running through the pasture. The boys displayed joy and success with their body language. Chief turned the corner, slipped on some wet mud, and fell flat on his side. Some of the boys showed concern for Chief and decided not to work with him anymore. They didn’t want him to fall or hurt himself any worse. Some of the boys laughed hysterically. They explained that they were laughing because they had never seen a horse fall and that they thought he might be embarrassed. They couldn’t explain what would make them laugh at Chief’s embarrassment that they felt. (For future reference, I made a note about the lack of empathy displayed.)
Patches was off by himself. (The group identified pros and cons to the horse having been off to himself i.e. making himself a target. He might have experienced vulnerability in not being with adults or in a group.) The group got Donkey running, but he kept seeking safety on the other side of the wire fence. Patches is very responsive, sensitive, and somewhat of a fearful and anxious horse. Patches galloped around the pasture. The boys followed using ropes and a whip to chase him. Chief and Liberty came and stood by Alyson and myself.
The group held Patches in the corner. Patches turned on his hind legs looking for an escape. At this point, I asked the boys to pause. I asked 3 of them to stand in the corner while the remainder of the group stood on the outside. I asked the boys on the inside to explain what it was like to be stuck in the corner. I had the boys switch positions. One boy thought that being cornered might be similar to being placed in a group home. Others discussed having cornered less powerful people by using their size and intellect. I explained to them that a horse always prefers to protect himself by running. When Patches was cornered, he couldn’t run. I explained that Patches chose to be fearful instead of hurting them by stampeding through the group. I felt this explanation was necessary as boys often talk about their toughness and willingness to fight “if someone puts their hands on them”. They seemed impressed by the horse’s size and how he chose positive behavior until the situation diffused itself.
At the end of all therapy sessions, the client(s), equine specialist, and I process what occurred and any themes that might have arose for any member. The discussion today was about bullying and victimization. The boys discussed various weaknesses they seek in people with whom they intend to take advantage. They explained aspects they look for are fear, not being as smart, lack of supervision, etc. Although many of the boys consider the requirement of being supervised at all times a negative thing, today, they realized that supervision might have saved Chief and Liberty from being “victimized” or targeted as Patches was.
This story offers a few examples of how participants gain insight into how their ways of thinking and behaving impact others. Unlike the traditional office approach, equine-assisted psychotherapy offers ways for participants to connect their minds, bodies, and spirits to better understand how they impact others both positively and negatively. Once identified participants must mold and change their ways of thinking and behaving so that they more positively affect the horses, which symbolize people in their everyday lives like school personnel, peers, and family members. This group therapy session helped the participants realize how their behavior whether intentional or unintentional negatively impacted the horses a.k.a. important people in their lives.